When Exceeding Expectations Becomes Difficult
by FairyLightsAndGlitter
Summary: James Sirius Potter knows taking on the role of Head Boy as well as being Quidditch Captain, as well as planning on straight O NEWTs, as well as falling into something like love, could be too much for one year. But he feels like he owes it to himself and everyone else in his life to succeed. Failure is not an option, and James will not give up.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- August 2021

* * *

"Looks like Neville wasn't joking back in June, then." James Potter said with a casual grin, passing his mother the letter he had just received from Hogwarts and the badge that had come with it. He looked away as his casual grin turned into a wide, unsubtle, and ever-so-slightly proud grin- he didn't want to seem too arrogant, and he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. It was just a badge after all, whether or not he'd be any good at the role was another matter entirely.

"Oh James! I am so so so proud!" his mother, Ginny Weasley, exclaimed, pulling her son down to her level (around a foot below his) and embracing him. "All Os last year, and Head Boy as well! You are fantastic, and I am so proud of all the work you've put in!"

"Thanks Mum," he said in reply, the grin on his face drooping slightly as he began to wonder… what if these weren't all Os? What if he wasn't Head Boy? What would his mother have to say about him then? Would she be proud, or would she be-

"And James, you know that as delighted as I am for you for all your success, and clearly wonderful reputation with the staff, I would be just as delighted in you if the marks were lower, and if this badge wasn't here. You're a wonderful, wonderful boy, and I am just so proud of the man you are becoming, okay?" she said sternly, looking at him carefully.

James reached down and hugged her again, it was amazing how she seemed to know exactly what he was thinking, it was amazing that she had cut him off mid-thought in order to reply to said thought. His mother was amazing. She was amazing because she knew exactly what to say, because she knew that the first thing he wanted to do was not inform his grandmother, even though he knew she'd be beyond thrilled, because she knew that just for the moment he wanted to enjoy this moment peacefully.

And peaceful it was. After exchanging another smile, James offered to make them some tea and Ginny nodded. James went into the kitchen and made them tea, and then he sat down at the table to read through his letter properly as he sipped from his mug. His mother sat opposite, proofreading an article she would be sending out to her editor later that day. It was half past nine in the morning, so his father was at work and Albus and Lily, his brother and sister, would remain asleep for another two hours. He and his parents were early-risers, and a part of him would always cherish school holiday mornings for this reason, it was nice sometimes to not even be a brother, to just be a son and to just quietly be. Maybe it was strange that he was almost eighteen years old and still felt privileged to spend time with his parents, but James instead chose to see it as a blessing- his parents were fantastic, and he was so lucky to have them. And this was his time in the morning, so he could come across as sentimental as he liked.

The letter said that the Head Girl was Annabelle Boot, a very intelligent and beautiful Ravenclaw. James had never really spoken to her properly, had only ever exchanged the smallest of small talks, but he had always thought that she seemed nice enough. Hopefully, he would get to know her a little better this year, hopefully they would be a good team.

A good team. Which reminded him of Quidditch. Oh dear. Quidditch Captain still as well as Head Boy. It wasn't that he'd give up either position for the world, it was just that James was suddenly very aware of how many hours a week they'd need to do practice, and of how many hours a week he would be needed for Head Boy duties, and on top of that- how many hours a day he'd need to study in order to stay on course for the straight Os he was determined to get at the end of his NEWTs. He shook his head to try to clear it. For now, he was just going to let himself be happy with what he had.

"Any plans for today, then?" his mother asked.

"I think me and Freddie are going out tonight, but apart from that, no." he replied.

"So are you free for lunch at your grandparents', then? I know you were there just the other day, but I'm sure your grandma would love this chance to fuss over you for being Head Boy! Your Dad finishes at lunch today, so he'll be there and I imagine Lily and Al will be as well. I think Ron and Hermione and Hugo, maybe Rose, are going to be there too."

"You don't need to convince me, Mum. You know I like seeing them," he replied.

"I know you do. It's just you need to know that you don't have to be pleasing us all the time, that sometimes you can just do your own thing, y'know? You are completely free to be an idiot seventeen year old boy if you like, just as you are completely free to not be."

"Well trust me, Mum, I am an idiot seventeen year old boy. Anyway, what's with all this worrying about whether I'm really happy being good and stuff?"

"I'm just a little worried you've been putting too much pressure on yourself, and that maybe because you are such a wonderful boy, we've come to make you think we all expect perfect. We don't, okay? We just want you to be happy!"

"I am happy, Mum. I promise!" he said with a grin, and he, for the most part, truly believed this.

James went upstairs and got in the shower and tried again to shake his worries and slight uneasiness off. Right now he was a straight O student, he was Head Boy, and he was Quidditch Captain. He was good and he was kind and he was respected. All of those things were great, and whilst he knew that stress was ahead of him, it was not yet upon him, so for now he was just going to enjoy the day and enjoy the last two weeks of his summer.

James was hungover. He and Freddie had stayed in The Three Broomsticks until it closed at about half past one in the morning, and they'd been doing shots of firewhiskey as well as drinking far too many pints of alcoholic Butterbeer. It had been a good night, it was always wonderful catching up with Freddie as Freddie was always such a great person to be around. Freddie had only just got back from his family holiday in America, where they'd all gone with his father to set up the first American WWW. He was full of stories about the people he'd met, and said that apparently their family, James' father in particular of course, were somehow more famous in America than they were in Britain which was strange, considering the war hadn't really spread a lot further than Europe by the time their family and many others had put an end to it. Freddie said that he'd eventually got behind the mystery of it when someone he'd got off with informed him that they taught very recent Magical History at their Wizarding schools, so because of that the war stories were very well known and all the heroes were highly respected by all.

"Someone you got off with?" James had asked, raising an eyebrow at his cousin. Freddie, he was pretty sure, was gay, but for some reason didn't feel fully comfortable disclosing that information to anyone, even to James, his best friend.

"Yeah, someone." Freddie had said, then, after taking another shot, he'd elaborated, "Yes, fine, a male someone. I don't know how the hell you know, though, James, I don't think I'm that obvious."

"You're not," James had assured him, "It's just I know you better than anyone else, and I live with you in term time, and I know that you've never even subconsciously checked out or talked about girls despite the fact that every now and then you tell me about a person you got off with, always keeping it gender neutral. It's fine, okay? You know that, right?"

"You're far more observant than people give you credit for, you know that right?" Freddie had commented, prompting another eyebrow raise from James.

"Observant enough to notice that you're now changing the subject. Which is fine. Just know that if you want to talk, you can. Always here for you! More shots?"

Those 'more shots' had been a big mistake. A huge one. James could not stop thinking about how much of a mistake those shots had been as he leapt out of bed and ran into his en suite bathroom, reaching the toilet just in time to vomit his stomach up into it.

James got back into bed, feeling simultaneously sorry for and ashamed of himself. His head ached and he was feeling really dizzy. Looking at the clock, he realised it was only six in the morning, meaning that there was a chance he could drink some water now, go back to bed, and wake up in a few hours pretty much recovered.

And luckily, that was what happened. James woke up again at half past ten feeling completely normal. He stretched and then went into his bathroom to take a shower. He'd forgotten to flush his vomit earlier, and was mildly disgusted to see the very unnatural colour of it- fruit flavoured firewhiskey was unlikely to be something he'd be drinking for a while. James flushed the toilet and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Aside from looking slightly paler than normal, he looked fine, same freckles, same brownish reddish endlessly untamable hair, same hazel eyes. He wasn't wearing his hangover today, and that was a relief because for some reason he always felt slightly guilty about getting drunk and about his parents seeing him drunk or hungover. He wasn't sure exactly why that is, but part of it was to do with him feeling guilty about how much easier his teenage life was compared to theirs. That was why it was the least he could do to get top grades, be a good Quidditch player, and be a good person, he wanted to show that he was taking all the opportunities he had to use his comparatively easy life for good.

At around eleven, James went down to the kitchen to get coffee and toast. Lily was just about stirring then too, and they met on the stairs.

"Hey James, no early rising today, then?" she asked with a sleepy grin, yawning and stretching.

"No, but I'm far more awake than you right now regardless. Far more ready to face the day, to face various dangers and dramas, see if we get suddenly attacked by ummm bad people, I won't be duelling in bright pink pyjamas!" he said teasingly, unable to find it hilarious how different Lily-in-the-holidays was compared to Lily-at-Hogwarts. Lily was almost fifteen years old, and from the age of about thirteen had mastered the art of charming people, particularly boys around her age, and this meant she had to maintain what she'd once told James was her 'super cute regime' which basically meant always being impeccably dressed and alert, no scruffy clothes or sleepiness allowed in public. But this wasn't in public, and James loved how in the holidays she went back to being a sleepy, messy little girl with messy hair and pyjamas which undeniably clashed with her hair. It wasn't one of those weird protective-possessive-aggressive big brother things, it was just that he knew far too much about the pain of people-pleasing and term time could never help but worry about Lily worrying about meeting expectations too so it was good to see her relaxed, with all those pressures off.

"Actually, I'm shockingly good at duelling, and no attacker would expect the small girl in pink pyjamas to be able to cause actual damage, so I'm at an advantage! Besides, it's not like your jeans and t shirt are armour or anything!"

"Fine, whatever! Race you to the toaster?" James said with a laugh. On the rare occasions he and Lily shared breakfast times, there was always some competition over who would first make their toast. They'd been doing this as long as they could remember and it was stupid but it was great.

They tore downstairs, neck and neck, and rushed into the kitchen, playfully pushing each other aside as they ran to the toaster. They were both just about to reach the bread when they heard amused laughter. In the kitchen with Al and their father sat their cousin Rose, and she and Al's friends Scorpius and Melody. Lily collapsed into a chair laughing and James laughed as he seized the opportunity to win the race and get his toast in the toaster.

"Forgot you lot were coming," Lily was saying, grinning at Melody and Scorpius, "I'm Lily if you didn't already know, and that's James if you didn't already know."

"Hi, yeah. I'm James, and Lily, I believe the score is now eight-seven to me this summer!" he said, doing a mini victory bow. It was only as he looked up properly that he really saw Melody. Wow. He'd never really looked at her before, she was just a dark haired Ravenclaw girl who was sometimes around, he wasn't sure he'd ever really even seen her face properly. He could see her face properly now and it was beautiful. She had very light skin, very dark eyes, very dark hair, and very delicate, gentle features, her lips were pink and she had a little glitter on her eyelids.

"Nice to meet you, but it's Mel, not Melody." Melody said with a smile, blushing slightly then looking away and taking a sip of her coffee. James forced himself to look away and said hello to Scorpius, who he'd spoken to a few times before.

James and Lily ended up joining the four of them for breakfast, all taking it turns to make more toast or put the kettle on for more tea or coffee. It seemed that Rose, Scorpius, and Mel all had coffee habits to rival his, and they were all on the verge of getting stupidly competitive about it. James allowed himself to look at Mel only a few times because he didn't want anyone to realise just how fuzzy he felt looking at her even though they'd only really just met. Instead, he focused his attention on reading the situation of all at the table, particularly the situation of his cousin Rose, and Scorpius Malfoy. They kept sneaking glances at each other, clearly thinking they were being subtle but failing quite dramatically. Scorpius, in particular, showed signs of immense adoration. As Rose spoke in her usual hilarious yet melancholic way about everyone and everything, there was this look of utter captivation on his face. It was doubtful either knew exactly how stupidly in love they looked, and James suspected they didn't even know their feelings were returned by each other. Hopefully they'd work it out before too long, hopefully one or the other would get past whatever it was preventing them from saying something.

He learnt that Scorpius was staying with them for the week, and that Mel was staying at Rose's for the week.

"Why're you not all staying together? Like why not all of you here or all of you at Rose's?" James asked.

"Because my house is not an especially fun place to be right now, so I need moral support for this last week, and obviously as we live just down the road my parents would see no point in me staying here, or Albus staying at mine. Not to mention the fact that my dad every now and then shows himself to be a prejudiced prick about Scor's family, and also seems to be the archetypal ironically protective father from time to time, so non family member boys in my room are a biiig no." Rose told him flatly. James wasn't sure what to say. He was getting the impression more and more that Rose's family life was becoming more and more difficult but didn't understand exactly what the problem was as none of them seemed to ever want to talk about it.

"Well you know you're always welcome here, yeah? No questions asked and all that, you know what our parents are like," James said, Al and Lily nodded. They were all very aware of just how lucky they were to have such kind, fun, and understanding parents. If Rose said she needed to stay, neither would even likely make her say why if she didn't want to. Hugo, too. James saw less of Hugo than Rose, but he and Lily were quite close and he knew she worried about him a lot, as did Rose, she had once said something about how he was so delicate it scared her but James had never really understood what she meant.

"Yeah," she said with a smile, "love you Jamesie," she finished jokingly. Except James knew it wasn't really jokingly because he knew Rose and he knew that she, like he, like most of their family, struggled to really express her emotions seriously and had her own way of expressing affection.

After another cup of coffee and one last slice of toast, James left the table to go back upstairs. He planned on going through all of the potions made in class through sixth year and checking his understanding of the fundamental instructions and the effects of each potion too. He was determined not to let his success go to his head academically, it was all very well to have been good at these potions last year, but that would mean nothing if he didn't keep going through them and refreshing his memory of them. It was the same for all of his subjects. He didn't want the month before exams to be any more hellish than it needed to be, and he knew that he'd feel better overall if he knew he'd done the absolute best he could. James Sirius Potter never gave anything any less than one hundred and ten percent and that wasn't about to change any time soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- August 2021 (2)

* * *

She was so pretty as she spun around the garden with Rose. The two were holding hands and spinning as they played the game where you spin around until you get so dizzy you fall over. James kept catching flashes of Mel's laughing grin as her eyes danced and her hair flew across her shoulders smoothly, almost sharply, a beautiful contrast to Rose's bouncing red curls. Both so striking in so many different ways. They fell to the ground seconds later, collapsed in a dizzy blur of too much alcohol, laughter, and summer. And James' eyes were almost as blurred as he watched them from about a metre away, his hand slightly shaky as he took the bottle to his mouth and sipped, trying for the millionth time that week to shake off the way he felt when he looked at and spoke to Mel.

Over the last week, Albus had included James in most of his plans with his friends, which had been really nice. He'd said it was because he was giving himself this week off from studying hard, so he wanted to see James do the same. Of course, it wasn't like James didn't have friends of his own, it was just that most of them had summer jobs and so even if James had wanted to do something other than practice Charms or read up on defensive magical theory, they were all busy during the day anyway. Besides, unlike Al they didn't live in his house and couldn't physically drag him from his desk and into the garden. Thanks to this inclusive behaviour of Al's, James had got to know and really like Scorpius and Mel a lot. Especially Mel. Oh dear.

James had never really had this kind of a crush before. There had been girls he liked, and girls he'd been out with a few times, and girls he'd kissed, but he hadn't ever felt this much around them. Until this summer, crushes had always been sort of nice 'well if she liked me too it would be really cool if we could hang out and maybe kiss a bit because kissing is nice and she is pretty and we have fun together', but this crush was quite literally crushing- he just had a lot of feelings and she was really fun and interesting to talk to and she was so pretty as well and it was just confusing and his head was all messy and the drinks weren't making things any clearer.

That night was the second to last night before their return to Hogwarts, it was Scorpius' last night staying with them, and Rose and Mel had come to stay for the night as well. Freddie was staying too, and the six of them had decided to have a mini party as it was really the last day of summer for them and Al had convinced James and Freddie to buy them alcohol. So that was what they were doing, dancing around in the garden slightly dazed from spending maybe too long flying around in the hotter than usual sun earlier, and getting steadily drunk on alcoholic butterbeer, and firewhiskey mixed with lemonade.

Time passed strangely, and before James knew it it was properly dark and the stars were out and everything felt beautiful and special and blurry. Al had just dragged himself up to bed, for some reason a lot tireder than the others. James and Freddie were lying side by side and Freddie was muttering some nonsense about what the constellations looked like to him whilst James tried to listen but couldn't really follow anything he was saying because he kept trailing off and going off on very unrelated tangents. After a few minutes, Freddie went quiet, and James looked over to see that he'd fallen asleep. James debated whether or not to wake him up and get him to go inside and sleep on the bed he'd made up for him on his bedroom floor, when he noticed that Mel had joined him and was sitting beside him. She tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at Rose and Scorpius who were sitting nearby, Rose had her head resting on Scorpius' shoulder and Scorpius had his arm around her. Both looked half asleep, both looked calmer and more relaxed than James was used to seeing them.

"Do they know they're basically a couple yet?" he asked Mel,

"I think Scor does, and I think he wants it to be for real, but I don't think he'll risk saying anything for a long time yet. Rose is kind of weird about love and commitment and stuff, I think it has to do with her parents or something but obviously she's never really explained it fully," she replied, sighing.

"Yeah, I think there's something weird about the relationship with her parents, there's been this weird tension and awkwardness at family things between them for years now. Must be hard on Rose and Hugo," James commented, "What about you, then, Melody Greengrass? Do you have functional or dysfunctional parents? Siblings? What's your story?"

"My story is not especially interesting," she said with a laugh, "I have somewhat elderly parents, a brother who is almost fifteen years older than me, a dying mother, a slightly shady family background, and nothing much beside that. Things are neither good nor bad, y'know? They just are."

"I'm sorry to hear about your mother," James said.

"Yeah, me too. Healers think she has about a year left, so that obviously sucks. Anyway, how about you? What's the story of the oldest Potter boy?" she said, clearly trying to shift the focus from her situation.

"Well it's not very interesting, no real struggles outside of schoolwork and Quidditch."

"What makes you think those struggles aren't real, though? Al once said something about you getting all Os in your OWLs and all Os the whole way through Sixth Year, that can't always be easy?"

"Well it isn't always but I feel like it's the least I can do, really. I have the ability to do well, I have the opportunity to do well, so I really ought to do well. I've done as well as I have so far by working hard and it's not like I can just stop now. And that's true of pretty much everything in my life at the moment- I do things well and I don't plan on changing that any time soon." he rambled slightly, then stopped, worrying he might be boring her a bit. He wasn't usually this unnecessarily talkative, he wouldn't usually disclose details of his hardworkingness or whatever as he'd always found it somewhat boastful and undignified to throw one's work ethic in the face of another. Mel didn't look like she was thinking such things of him, though, she just looked at him thoughtfully for a moment before speaking again.

"You're a perfectionist aren't you? You have some really high standards for yourself and you really do work hard to meet them, don't you?" she murmured. And James had to nod because she was right, because he did have very high standards for himself and would accept nothing but the best from himself, no matter how hard reaching that state might be. "There's nothing wrong with not being completely perfect sometimes, though, James. I know I don't know you that well, but I do know that I would think just as highly of you whether you were a straight O student, Quidditch star, and clearly very good friend, cousin, son, and brother or not. But I also know that that isn't the point, is it? It's about how you feel about yourself."

"I know, yeah. But seriously it's my own problem, ya know? Like I've brought all this on myself and I'm not expecting like praise or sympathy."

"You and Al are so similar,"

"How so?"

"Well you're with everything the way he is with the dentist dream. You're both really something."

"You're more," James said, it slipped out of his mouth before he could even think about what he even meant, probably that he was in awe of and fascinated by Mel but didn't really know how to properly say that.

And neither said anything for a while, they both just lay back on the grass and looked up at the stars. And it was quiet but it was a nice kind of quiet. James checked his watch what felt like a few minutes later and decided it probably was time to at least get Freddie to actual bed. He got up, grinned at Mel and shook Freddie awake. Mel walked over to where Rose and Scorpius had fallen asleep together and woke them up, leading them up to the house as James did with Freddie. They got upstairs and Freddie went into James' bedroom, Scorpius into Al's, and Rose into the guest room. James knew he needed to follow James into his room and get to bed, and Mel probably knew she needed to join Rose in the guest room, but both found themselves just standing quietly on the landing together.

"So um, goodnight then…" Mel said to James, shuffling slightly awkwardly towards him. And she was just so pretty and cute and great and James' crush on her had been growing stronger each day and he was a bit drunk and his judgement was clouded and that was why he put his arms around her and held her close, hesitantly at first. And then she was holding him back and it just felt so good to finally be touching her and she was so soft and delicate and warm and she smelt of coconut and outdoors and that made him feel even more intoxicated. And that was why, before letting go, James leant down and kissed her gently. And she kissed back. And her lips were soft and she tasted of firewhiskey and lemonade and of something else that James sort of wanted to believe was stardust because she was so magical. And eventually they broke apart and smiled shyly at each other before muttering goodnight and slowly opening the doors to their rooms.

James shut his door and let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Wow. Everything was spinning but not in a bad way, and he couldn't get the way she had smelt and tasted out of his head. And he hoped he hadn't made a mistake in kissing her, but it was late and he was drunk and tired so he told himself he'd worry about that in the morning.

And he did worry about it in the morning. He woke at about eleven to find their guests had all already left, and he was both relieved and concerned. Because he didn't want to share what had happened las night between he and Mel with anyone, there was some sort of shiny sacred feeling to it and he didn't really get it. All he knew was that Freddie could read him as well as he could read Freddie, and he needed time to compose his face and get it all straight in his mind. His mind hadn't been neat and nicely ordered in over a week now, though.

He had more than just Mel on his mind, though. Because wow, he was unable to stop thinking about how huge and important this last year of school was. Because being Head Boy was huge responsibility. And juggling being Quidditch Captain and his sixth year studies had been hard enough. Because he was under more pressure than he'd ever been under before and he knew this year was going to be completely exhausting. There was just so much to worry about and stress about and he couldn't stop. So instead, he distracted himself by packing his trunk for tomorrow completely by hand instead of using magic, and by filing all the notes he'd made for all his subjects over the holidays into various folders he was using to store all his revision.

And before too long his mind was nicely occupied and he found he was able to just gently get himself excited about the new school term. He did love Hogwarts. And Quidditch wasn't exactly a chore at all, he loved being captain! And he'd managed to be a Prefect for the last two years, so Head Boy couldn't be too enormously overpowering or anything. And people had been known to balance all this stuff before, right? James could do it, he was sure of it. He just had to be willing to give it his everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: **September_ 2021_

* * *

"So do you want to lead or do you want me to?" Annabelle Boot asked James, she had already changed into her robes and her Head Girl badge was pinned onto her blue and bronze tie. James was wearing his badge but had yet to change into his robes, and he had to swallow down the sudden worry he was sudden feeling that maybe he should have just arrived in his robes. He then made himself rationalise it with the fact that the majority of Heads did get changed on the train. He looked at Annabelle carefully in order to respond to her question, she looked like she was trying to be casual, but there was something about her tone of voice that suggested she wanted to do most of the talking in the Prefects meeting.

"You can if you like," he said with a gentle smile, turning away to give his parents one last wave from the window as the train began to gather speed.

"Thank you," she replied, somewhat shyly now. He turned back to her, nodded, and sat down. The prefects would be arriving any minute, so James was just trying to savour these last few moments before his new role officially began.

The prefects compartment wasn't unfamiliar to him, as he had been a prefect since fifth year. He knew that Al was supposed to have been one of the Gryffindor prefects this year, but after a conversation with Neville, their head of house, he had turned it down because of the increased workload he knew he'd have with his taking all those Muggle exams as well as his OWLs. James wondered who they'd chosen instead.

It was Sam Thomas, James was actually good friends with and roommates with Sam's brother Joe. Sam arrived with Rose, who he knew was very reluctant to take on the role and had only been convinced to go with it by Mel, who was one of the new Ravenclaw prefects. James had wondered why Scorpius wasn't Al's replacement, but Rose, Al, Mel, and Scor had all laughed when he'd asked, apparently Scorpius at school was very good at somehow getting into a lot of trouble thanks to his blunt honesty and endlessly well intentioned mistakes.

The meeting was no better or worse than all the ones James had attended as a prefect, so he saw that as a kind of victory. Not that he'd had too much to do, Annabelle had obviously thought about and covered everything since getting the badge, so he really hadn't had a lot to do. Not that he was complaining, he was still a little scared in advance of how big this year was going to be and it was nice to have a few minutes of just letting someone else be in charge.

It was also good to not have much to say as it meant he could sneak in quite a few quick glances at Mel. She was so pretty. That was the thing that kept getting to him, how pretty she was. And maybe 'pretty' didn't sound like a very big word, maybe it didn't sound like he was saying much. But he really was, and it really was true. She was so pretty with her big round eyes and little rosebud mouth and the little beauty spot over her lip. She was a really pretty girl, almost doll-like, and now that James had noticed her he couldn't understand how he hadn't noticed her prettiness before. She was so pretty and he couldn't believe they'd kissed and he couldn't believe he felt like this about her.

He realised then that he'd been maybe looking at her for too long and that she was now looking back. She gave him a little smile and her eyes were so bright and her cheekbones were so gently round and her teeth were so white and she was so pretty. He smiled back, blushed, and looked away. He was pretty embarrassed by himself but he also wasn't because he kind of wanted Mel to know how much he liked her because he sort of hoped that maybe she liked him back and he needed to start focusing his attention on other things because whoops, Annabelle had just released the prefects for their patrols and now he probably had stuff to do that didn't involve thinking about how much of a crush he had on a (very pretty) girl.

"So what's the story with you and that fifth year should-be Slytherin?" Annabelle asked him once they were alone in the compartment. James blinked in genuine confusion.

"Who?" he asked,

"That Melody girl. With the Slytherin family. Her cousin's that should-be Slytherin Gryffindor boy, I think, Malfoy." she said sniffily.

"What the hell, Annabelle? First of all, everyone isn't like their families. And second of all, Scorpius and Mel are really great and the houses they're in are obviously the right houses for them otherwise they wouldn't have been sorted into them." he snapped.

"Well I'm sooo sorry, I just don't feel like we should forgive them that easily after what they did in the war-"

"The war that took place before any of us were born? The war that Mel's family stayed neutral in? The war that Scorpius' father was forced to be a part of? The war that my father had to end?"

"I'm just saying-"

"Don't. Anyway, I'll take the left end of the train, you can take the right. I'll see you at the station. Goodbye." James said frostily, walking away from her, fuming slightly.

Patrolling was dull as ever. James was relieved when he finally reached a compartment with his friends in, he hadn't seen some of them since the end of term so it was good to go in and have a quick catch-up. In just five minutes, he learnt that Frank Longbottom had himself a mystery girlfriend, that Joe Thomas' fifth younger sibling had been born and was a little sister, and that Tim Finch-Fletchley's long-term girlfriend, Gail Turner had cheated on him and they'd broken up. There was a strange atmosphere in that compartment, Freddie seemed miserable, Frank seemed embarrassed, and Tim seemed awkward. Joe seemed fine, though, just tired, probably too tired to have noticed the weirdness in the air. James hoped to get to the bottom of it before too long, and hoped it was nothing too bad for them.

A few minutes later, he got up and left, making his way down the corridor and glancing into other compartments checking for drama or conflict. There was none, which was good, and before too long James reached a compartment containing Al, Mel, Rose and Scorpius.

"Hey James," Al said with a wave as James entered. Al was reading through and underlining a textbook entitled 'GCSE Biology'.

"Hey Al, studying already?"

"Yeah, going over chances of heritability for cystic fibrosis fun!" he said, sighing slightly.

"Oh right, Biology's the one about living things and creatures, right?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Cool. Anyway so how are you all doing?" asked James, addressing Scorpius, Mel, and Rose as Al obviously seemed to want to return to his studying.

"Doing fab, feeling bored until these two arrived though, as Al and his textbook is not the greatest fun in the world, especially when I'm apparently not a great study buddy as some subjects can't be made fun, would you believe?!"

"Madness! I'm sure you do puns and everything, right?"

"Yup, we were doing planty shit and apparently you can't make anaerobic respiration funny either. Silly Al, at least I'm not a prefect I guess, though, huh Rose?"

"Ugh. Ohmygoodness James why did you not warn me how shit being a prefect is?" Rose asked, sighing.

"It's not that bad," Mel disagreed.

"It is, it's shit. Hate having to tell kids to shut up, hate missing out on the train trip, hate the fact that I'll be giving up some of my evenings, hate the responsibility. Ugh." she moaned, resting her head on Scorpius' shoulder, he put his arm around her and she properly snuggled up to him and the look of bliss and relief on both of their faces made James look away because there was just something so gorgeously intimate about it.

"See, this is why you need to be more like me, y'know? Speak your mind, act as though there's no bedtime curfew, unpredictably switch between hard work and laziness, start a few too many karaoke battles in the common room-"

"Scor, I do and have done literally all of those things with you. It could just as easily have been you as well as me, y'know? You're just lucky you're the third most responsible instead of the second out of the Gryff boys. If I was actually friends with the girls in my dorm, it could just as easily be one of them, just unfortunately I'm never caught into their hijinks, so-"

"'hijinks'! Honestly Rosie, I live for your phrasings!" chuckled James.

"I'm glad. Anyway, all I'm saying is that unfortunately I come across to teachers as more responsible than the other Gryff girls in my year, and that sucks."

"It doesn't suck. What would suck would be if I was allyless at prefect meetings, so just know you're doing me a wonderful service, okay?" Mel said gently, giving Rose an almost pleading smile, as though worried Rose might just quit the position straight away. James knew better, though, knew that his cousin didn't like giving up unless she absolutely had to. Rose was tough, and he knew that a part of her was probably determined to succeed.

"I'm an ally!" he pointed out to Mel, smiling at her with what he hoped was charm and kindness. He probably just looked weird but refused to let himself overthink it.

"Well that's good to know," she replied with a small smile, looking at him slightly shyly and then at her feet. James coughed, slightly flustered, and ran a nervous hand through his hair. He coughed again and then announced that he'd have to be on his way, continuing his patrol of the train.

How had this happened? How had he developed a crush so enormous on one of his brother's best friends? And was it weird? Was it weird that he was going to be eighteen in two months, and that he was falling for a fifteen year old? Was that creepy? Maybe her birthday was soon, that might make it less creepy? Did it matter?

James' head was just frazzled with all these conflicting feelings, but the overriding one was simply that he really really really liked Mel. And for the remainder of the journey, he decided it was okay to just focus on that, because school hadn't started yet, because soon he would have so much else to worry about, because for now he was just going to be a stupid teenage boy with a crush and he was going to enjoy that.

* * *

James decided to take the lead on the 'getting everyone safely off the train' mission, deciding that it wouldn't be a good idea to be a doormat on their first day and that he didn't want Annabelle to have any grounds to suggest he wasn't pulling his weight. Her comments about Mel and Scorpius had really turned him against her by quite a lot, and he was struggling to feel appropriately optimistic about working with her so closely for the next year. Once he'd cleared and checked the train, James joined Freddie and his other friends in a carriage drawn by thestrals which, thankfully, the majority of the students couldn't see. Only a few really even knew it was drawn by thestrals, anyway, mostly just those who had been told by parents, had bothered reading the whole updated edition of Hogwarts, A History, the ten who had taken 6th Year NEWT Care Of Magical Creatures, of which James was one, and of course those who had encountered death so far in life.

James remembered asking his father about the thestrals at the start of summer, as he'd been fascinated by the very concept of them in class that year. It had been a hard topic to bring up, as he knew his parents, his father in particular, were still somewhat haunted by the war, by all that had happened while they were just James' age and younger. That was something that really astounded James, the fact that he was older now than his father was when he defeated Riddle all those years ago. It was just so hard to comprehend all that his family had been through, and that was why he was never fully sure how to bring his questions up. Anyway, his father had said that it was at the start of fifth year when he'd first seen them and learnt of them, as in the summer he'd witnessed the death of a friend. The concept of thestrals had been explained to him by Luna, and that had actually been how they'd got to know each other. James hadn't asked a lot more, as it felt like asking too much would be asking questions far too personal and harsh.

"So James, we were thinking you and Annabelle should get together," announced Joe, James scowled, remembering the horrible things she'd said, and raised an eyebrow at Joe.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because she's hot, and because you're head boy and girl, makes sorta sense ya know?" he replied.

"Most girls are hot," James pointed out, "so it wouldn't be wise to have 'hotness' as the one requirement in a romantic partner. And sharing a job does not entail sharing a romantic relationship." he said, not wanting to actually say rude or mean things about her to his friends, as there was just something he found unpleasant about bitching about people like that, it was unfair not to give people a chance to defend themselves when being badmouthed. And besides, a part of him felt that perhaps she was just more stressed than usual and that maybe she'd mellow out and become a little less rude and prejudiced as the year went on. Either way, he certainly didn't fancy her.

"You into someone else then?" asked Tim.

"Just because I don't fancy one girl doesn't mean I must fancy someone else." he said evasively, he definitely didn't want to tell them about his crush on Mel. "What about you, huh? You ready to dive into the world of awkward Hogsmeade dates and forgetting silencing charms again yet?"

"If the opportunity presents itself, yeah. Not going to do any chasing this year, though. No point trying to manufacture fate and all that shit, I've definitely learnt from that after all this shit this summer." Tim said with a sigh. Tim was an incurable romantic, and often seemed to be on the hunt for 'the one', giving pretty much everything he had to whoever he was with. He had given the most to Gail, his ex, and it seemed the experience of the break up had changed his outlook somewhat. Looking around, James noticed that for some reason Freddie and Frank looked somewhat shifty, which was weird and just confirmed his earlier suspicions that something strange was happening with most of his roommates.

These suspicions were confirmed further later that night, when the five of them were hanging out in their room later that night, unpacking, talking, listening to music, and eating chocolate. Freddie and Frank had chosen beds at opposite ends of the circular room instead of beside each other for the first time in the seven years they'd all been living together. This struck James as odd, and also counterproductive seeing as opposite ends of a circle just meant facing each other. Anyway, it got stranger still because Tim, who had always in the past picked a bed beside Frank, was now on the other side of Freddie to James, leaving the dorm door and the bathroom door distance between his bed and Joe's, who was beside Frank. James found himself now in between Frank and Freddie, slightly bewildered as to how and why things had changed and why bed changes were so baffling. He tried to exchange confused looks with Joe, but it seemed that Joe was exhausted from living with a crying newborn and, after quickly unpacking with a spell, he crawled into bed and was asleep in moments.

This left James trying to make conversation with them all in an attempt to smooth things over somehow and make it less awkward. And he did fairly well. Frank and Freddie at least weren't completely blanking each other by the time they all went to bed, and Tim had at least stopped looking like he was going to kill something every time Frank opened his mouth. That was progress, James liked to think, although he was still desperate to get to the bottom of whatever it was that had caused this rift.

* * *

James had underestimated how difficult this year was going to be. And that was saying a lot, as he had expected it to be almost impossible. And it was just a little more than 'almost impossible' but not quite impossible. Except he'd only been back a week and Quidditch still had yet to begin. Shit. Tryouts were this afternoon and he knew he could not even begin to imagine how enormous things would get when he had to schedule in practices on top of everything else.

So far that first week of term, James had been able to keep on top of all his schoolwork as well as finding time to revise 6th year for a couple of hours a night. He didn't understand why everyone else was so casual about saving the 6th year stuff until the actual point of exams in the summer. Ridiculous. It wasn't that he was judging them, it was just that he was a little surprised to be in the minority who were taking school really seriously. Because he didn't feel like he was taking it more seriously than he needed to, he just felt like it was important to do his best and work his hardest regardless of everything else going on, because he believed it was important to give everything his everything. Hmm. It seemed that his almost-Hufflepuff was showing.

James wondered what things would be like now if he'd ended up in Hufflepuff instead. He remembered his sorting really well, the hat had identified his strength and determination straight away and had said he would either be a Hufflepuff or a Gryffindor as he was incredibly principled and unafraid of working hard if it meant doing the right thing. Overall, though, it had decided that his Gryffindor outweighed his Hufflepuff as he had this inner need to always do good, to do what was right and what was honourable.

James was the Keeper, and last year a lot of his teammates had been in his family. He expected the same to be true after tryouts, simply because all had been playing Quidditch for so long and the game was kind of in their blood. Last year, Lily had been Seeker, Al had been a Chaser, Molly had also been a Chaser, and Freddie had been a Beater. The only two members of the team last year who weren't in his family were Frank, who had also been a Beater, and one of Lily's friends, Tabitha Bird, who was the third Chaser. This year, though, Al had decided to quit Quidditch due to the ever-increasing demands on his study schedule, and Molly had finished Hogwarts last year and so would, of course, not be back. This meant that, provided his cousin and siblings and Tabitha performed well enough to regain their spots on the team, there would be two new additions to the team this year, two new chasers. Because of this, throughout the tryouts he couldn't help but concentrate more on the Chasers than anyone else.

James was fascinated to see both Rose and Scorpius try out, as the two had always in the past shaken their heads quite vigorously when asked to try out.

"Why now?" he'd asked them, flying over towards them just as he was about to start the Chaser tryouts.

"I'm here mostly just because. Like Quidditch is fun, I need to get in the habit of exercising regularly, Scor wanted to try out anyway, so I thought I may as well try as well. Would be cool if we both get on the team and stuff." Rose had explained.

"And I'm here because I've decided I can be bothered and because Quidditch is fun and I want something to show for my time at this school so far, I want to have done at least something." Scorpius had said.

Both had outperformed the other four people trying out for Chaser by quite a lot. Rose was particularly good at throwing and Scorpius was particularly good at catching and James couldn't help but feel like this said it all about the two of them. The others who had been on the team last year had all played and performed well enough to leave all spectators in no doubt that James had picked only the best for his team, despite the majority being in his family. There was at least one Weasley in every one of the house Quidditch teams, but Gryffindor was without a doubt the most full of them. Dominique, or Dom, was Slytherin's Seeker, Louis was one of Ravenclaw's Beaters, and Hugo and Roxanne, or Anne, were both Chasers for Hufflepuff.

It was funny how almost the whole family played Quidditch. Only Lucy and Victoire had never been especially interested in playing. James hoped this didn't ever make them feel left out, it would be horrible if it did. It probably didn't matter to Victoire any more now, though, given that she'd left school four years ago now, and had been living with and exploring the world with Teddy for all that time. They were expecting a baby in February as well, James remembered. He and his parents, as well as Vic's parents and siblings, had helped them move into and decorate a beautiful cottage in a small Somerset town earlier that summer.

* * *

James went to bed late that night. He had a Charms essay due on Monday and he knew that Head duties and Quidditch would be taking up most of Sunday, he also really wanted to have a somewhat uncharacteristic lie-in on Sunday morning so his only option was to stay up late that Saturday night writing it. He'd got a little carried away, writing an extra foot or so and perhaps going overboard with his sources and extra reading. It was half past two when he finally reached the end of the essay, and he was pretty proud of it. Smiling to himself as he put the books back on the shelves and rolled up the parchment, James rejoiced at how 7th years were without curfews and had unlimited library access. He walked quickly back to Gryffindor tower and was in his dorm room in what felt like seconds, so tired he couldn't remember even thinking any thoughts as he made his way up to bed. Pulling off his clothes, James reached for his pyjama bottoms, put them on, and crawled under the covers. He was asleep in seconds and had no intention of waking up until at least nine the next morning as opposed to his usual half past seven. Sleep was good and this week had exhausted James more than he could ever have anticipated.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading! Please please please leave me a review? Just let me know what you think of this so far, maybe, where you think it could be going, any questions you may have? **


	4. Chapter 4

_September 2021 (2)_

Being Head Boy was exhausting. It wasn't just about having to lead Prefect meetings, come up with patrol schedules, or plan student events. There was so much more to it than that, including weekly meetings with the Head and House Heads, regularly addressing and speaking to whole classes of lower school students about their school experience and what could be done to improve it, meeting and greeting various Governors, and just always having to set the best possible example to the rest of the students. There was just so much to it, and James kind of liked it, it was just a lot to take on along with everything else.

One huge advantage, though, was that he was able to have a hand in sorting patrol schedules. He may have accidentally-on-purpose given Rose and Scorpius more patrols together than was regular for two in the same house and same year, and he may have somehow given himself a patrol with Mel every other friday night. Oops. Except not. Not at all. Because James couldn't help but feel the need to match-make Rose and Scorpius and he couldn't resist his desire to spend more time with Mel.

"So how's fifth year treating you so far?" he asked Mel, they were an hour into their first patrol together and hadn't really talked much yet.

"Not too bad. Doing fairly well in class, and haven't got into any fights lately so all is good." she replied with a shrug.

"You're one to get into fights?" asked James, confused. That was not something he would have expected from her at all, given the grace and fragility she seemed to exude. She was strong, certainly, but she didn't seem like the fighting type.

"Technically. Basically, people get into fights with me and I pull out my unexpectedly good fighting skills mostly in self defence."

"Why do people-" James began to ask, puzzled as to why and how anyone would want to fight her. She cut him off mid-sentence:

"Yeah don't bother asking that because I'm not entirely sure myself. Think it's to do with me being from a Slytherin family mostly, to be honest. Anyway, new question." she said, clearly wanting to change the subject.

"Okay, um… What's your favourite subject here?" James asked, cursing himself for asking something so mundane.

"Wow that's a safe question, was hoping for something a little deeper!" she remarked, raising a dark eyebrow and laughing, James felt slightly embarrassed and annoyed at himself for missing this opportunity to ask her something real. "Anyway, my favourite subject here is Potions, definitely. What's yours?"

"History of Magic, as strange as that sounds!" he replied, laughing at himself slightly. History of Magic was almost everyone's least favourite subject.

"Wow, that's certainly an unpopular opinion!" she commented, pausing to pull her long hair up into a ponytail and then turning to him, "So what is it you like about it?" she asked softly, and suddenly the atmosphere shifted because she seemed so interested and her expression was so soft and gentle in the ten o'clock lighting of the castle at night. They were almost at the end of a deserted corridor and James suddenly just wanted to kiss her. He didn't, though, because as perfect as this moment was he didn't want her thinking he wasn't taking her seriously, he wanted to work up to their next proper kiss, hopefully go on a proper date with her. Instead, he answered her question.

"I like that it is honestly all so relevant, that every single Goblin rebellion of the middle ages led to the way things are now, that we can in retrospect see and spot every single pattern that humans seem to continually repeat, that whilst we simply read names on a page and know vaguely what they did that was important that those people were all people, y'know? That every war hero, every inventor, every oppressed goblin, every political figure was a person and lived a life and had friends and a family and hopes and dreams. It's just all so incredible because it's the story of our world today, and it becomes even more incredible at NEWT level, when we look at Magical History in the context of Muggle History and vice versa- the parallels are shocking and just endlessly fascinating! I just love history, and I'm sorry because I feel like I may have professed my love for the subject for too long and I don't want to bore you or dominate conversation!" he said, worrying that maybe he'd scared her off or annoyed her with his possible over-enthusiasm.

"Don't be silly. Don't you find there is nothing more lovely than hearing someone talk about something they're really passionate about? In all honesty I'm nowhere near as passionate about Potions, I like it but it's just one of many subjects. I love to learn but I love to learn everything, I hate the way it's all split into subjects and stuff, I just want to know everything of and about the world, and I want to experience it all too." she replied, smiling and tucking a few strands of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ears.

"There's just so much out there, isn't there?" he said, gesturing wildly around almost in an attempt to put his arms around the universe. Mel grinned and nodded.  
"Yeah. So much. It seems mad to be spending so much time just locked away in this Scottish castle getting an education when we could be out there living. What does the universe care for OWLs and NEWTs?" she said, reaching the end of the corridor a little ahead of James, then turning back and walking slowly at his side as they walked back down it.

"Shhh, don't say that! Otherwise I'll be forced to admit that I need to stop giving up sleep for studying!" he replied playfully.

"Well good! You always look so tired, it's okay to get an E or lower now and then, it's okay to put your health before your grades. Like I said, the universe doesn't care about your education, it just cares about you." Mel told him.  
"Except it doesn't, does it? Like that's the point in the whole putting everything into the context of the universe thing, we're all so insignificant." James argued.

"Except we're not. We are and we're not. I mean on our own, yeah, we're nothing in the scheme of things, but at the same time we're all so important and connected and relevant. The universe gives a shit about the universe and everything in it, and we're all a part of the universe." Mel argued, turning to face him properly.

"Muggle scientists say we're made of stardust." James said thoughtfully, looking at Mel carefully.

"That's beautiful. I mean, yeah stardust is just rock dust. But like the stars are so… I don't know… magical? And I know saying magical is stupid given that we go to a magical school and learn magic, but you know what I mean, right?" Mel mused, sighing slightly.

"Yeah. The stars are magic. And we're magic. And I think magic means more than just the ability to conjure shit and save or protect ourselves with spells. Like I know that it is magic, but that isn't what magic is for me. It's a feeling, I think." he replied, nodding to himself.

"Yeah. Like the feeling you get when you're in first year and you're in the boats and the sky is so beautiful and then there's the castle and it's just like that feeling, you know? So magical."

"It's also when it's five in the morning in the summer and everything is that beautiful clear, real, rosy light and there's that beautiful stillness."

"And when you're little and you have a bad dream and you go and find your parents and they make all the scary go away and there's just that calmness and belief that as long as you have them it will be alright." she said with a small smile.

"When you talk to someone and you feel more connected to another person than you ever have in your life." he said, giving her a slightly more sure smile.

"When you lean in and breathe in the beautiful boy you've been unable to stop thinking about since the last week of summer." she replied, moving closer towards him. He could feel her breath on his neck and it was taking all of his self control not to pull her into his arms and kiss her until the sun came up.

"When you move even closer to the beautiful magical girl you don't think you'll ever stop wanting to kiss." he murmured.

"When your lips touch." she whispered, closing her eyes and then moving her lips towards his. And then she was right. Their lips were touching and it was magic. This was magic. He was magic and she was magic and they were magic and this was magic. And magic in terms of the romanticised floaty Muggle-esque view, not the magic they could do.

All James could think about as he lay in bed later that night was the way it had felt to hold and kiss Mel in that corridor, the way her lips had felt on his, the way she had tasted, and the way she had looked as they'd eventually broken apart. He couldn't stop thinking about the beautiful things she'd said, or about the enchanting way she'd laughed, or the way he'd felt excited every time she spoke because she was just so vibrant and amazing and unexpected. Fuck. He was addicted to her.

And he was dangerously close to worshipping the girl he was almost convinced she was. And he had to stop himself because he had done this before, got to a stage where he'd grown so attracted to a person that he'd found himself idealising and romanticising her. So things had never worked. As someone who worried a lot about falling from his own pedestal, James sure had put a few too many pretty, cool, funny, interesting girls up on pedestals of their own. It was his default setting when it came to having crushes and it needed to stop. Especially if he wanted to somehow ask Mel out, to somehow have something real with her, for their kisses to not be one-off events when caught in the moment or slightly drunk. Mel was special. But she was also a person, and James had to keep remembering that before he got to the generally destructive idealising phase. She was special, so he couldn't do a disservice by dehumanising her into an angel. She was a person, a beautiful, funny, clever, kind person. But a person. He could not let his thoughts run away from him.

The following Wednesday, James dragged himself downstairs to breakfast completely exhausted. He'd had Quidditch practice followed by a late night patrol with Annabelle, who he was trying his absolute best to like, followed by four hours of homework and revision. He hadn't got to bed until around three in the morning, and then had had to get up at half past seven for breakfast and classes. He was tempted to spend his free third period and mid-morning break catching up on sleep, but at the same time he hated being behind on homework and unless he got through his Potions essay before his usual night time homework session, he'd end up either behind or even more sleep deprived.

So that was what he'd done. He'd got himself a coffee from the kitchens, and had then taken himself and his coffee to a quiet corner of the Gryffindor common room to work on the essay for an hour and a half. And wow, there had been distractions everywhere but he had done it. James finished the essay with five minutes to spare before he'd have to go to Defence Against the Dark Arts. He was praying the lesson wouldn't be too practical and that the essay he'd handed in for homework last week hadn't been as bad as he'd thought it was when he'd written it.

But it was and it was. Well, the lesson was practical and the essay wasn't bad by anyone's standards but James'. But that was what mattered. James had got an E on his essay about the classification of Vampirism and its ethics, and he was devastated. Because James Potter didn't get Es. No, James got Os, and would never be happy with anything less. His perfect record was now destroyed, and in his enormous physical and emotional exhaustion it had been difficult to not show off his disappointment in himself. He'd managed, of course, but it hadn't been easy.

Freddie had noticed, but nobody else had. Freddie had sympathetically patted James on the shoulder, knowing that the way to make James feel better was not to do the whole ignorant 'Look how well you did compared to me, stop complaining' thing that far too many people always seemed to think was right. Because generally speaking, when one is upset by a grade, they are upset with themselves and it's not so much about comparing it to others, it's about comparing it to one's expectations of oneself. Because generally speaking, a lot of people tend to try to somehow make other people's problems about them in some way. And that could be incredibly irritating. And yet we all do it without even realising it. Perhaps, James thought, that was what was being human was all about; just constantly trying to make a mark, just constantly trying to reinforce that one simple message that you exist and you are a person and you feel things and you, most of all, do not want to be forgotten.

Instead of going to bed at a somewhat reasonable time that night, James edited and then rewrote the Vampirism essay just to show himself and Professor Creevey that he could do better. Just to show himself that he was capable of writing an O grade essay on the subject. It really was more for himself than anyone else, as he'd tried to explain to Freddie at half past eleven that night when the others in his dorm all went up to bed and tried to convince him to join them instead of staying at his little table in the corner of the common room. Freddie had sighed and told James he'd have to slow down or else he'd do himself some damage and James had just shaken his head because didn't anyone understand that slowing down wasn't an option, that failure wasn't an option.

Creevey hadn't been happy with James handing in his rewritten essay either.

"It isn't that I have a problem with reading this through and remarking it, James. It's simply that at this stage it isn't necessary for you to be making yourself do this on top of all your other homework and responsibilities. An E is really a fantastic grade to be getting right at the start of the year, and whilst I understand that you're hoping to get an O overall, I assure you that that grade is very achievable for you whether you redo the occasional less exceptional essay or not." he had said, and James had sighed and nodded and tried to explain himself.

"I know, Sir. It's just that I feel like I should be doing the best I can be, and that original essay wasn't my best." he had told him, and Creevey had nodded.

"Yes, but perhaps next time you should instead tell yourself that your next essay will be more exceptional? I don't want you burning out too fast or too soon, James, and you look completely exhausted as it is." Professor Creevey had said, looking concerned.

"I'm fine, Sir." James had replied, "Everything's fine, I just don't want to let my grades slip or anything."

"Well alright, then. Just know that your health is more important than your grades, and that if being generally happier means getting a few Es or lower, that is completely fine. And please know that you can talk to me or Professor Longbottom whenever you need to, okay? About anything. Please look after yourself." his teacher had finished, giving him a kind smile. That had almost undone James in his exhausted and stressed state. But he had held it together, luckily.

The truth was that James knew he was being slightly ridiculous. He knew it wasn't entirely healthy to be this concerned with getting everything right and keeping on top of everything. But it just wasn't something he felt he had any say in. He had taken on what he'd taken on, he had let himself develop these expectations for himself, and he was not going to let it all fall away now. No way.

On the final Saturday of October, Freddie managed to convince James to take a night off to just hang out with he and the other boys in their dorm. Things had for the most part settled down between them all now, and though James had never got to the bottom of whatever it had been that caused the tension which was now mostly gone. What mattered was that things were okay now, he supposed, and hopefully he might find out one day.

James had been in an amazing mood all day, mostly because on Friday he'd had another wonderful patrol with Mel. They hadn't kissed much, they had mostly just talked. And she'd been as fascinating and funny and compelling as before, and James was quickly becoming overcome by just how much he fancied her. But it had been so nice. She had been so nice. She was just nice to spend time with, even when they weren't talking it just felt nice, comfortable, and easy. She was amazing.

"What are you thinking about, James? You got a really odd look on your face." Tim stated bluntly, and James laughed, running a hand through his hair nervously. He hadn't really told anyone about Mel yet, though he had a feeling Freddie knew something was happening.

"A girl." James replied, smiling at the thought of Mel again but then looking away because he didn't feel like she was someone he could talk about with his friends. There was just something very untouched about whatever it was they kind of had at the moment, and until they had maybe clarified it further, James didn't want to say much to many people, if any.

"Fair enough. Hey James, Freddie, on the subject of girls, is your hot Slytherin cousin seeing anyone?" Tim asked.

"Can you name her first?" Freddie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Dominique, right?" replied Tim.

"Not single." said Joe very quickly, causing the others to all look around, slightly surprised.

"You're the one she's not single with and you didn't tell any of us?" asked James.

"We're keeping it quiet. But yeah, we're seeing each other. Hope there's no cousin protective rage- there isn't is there?"

"Fuck no, that sort of shit is creepy as hell. No cousin rage, just surprised you didn't tell us. How did it happen?" Freddie said, more interested than anything. James nodded in agreement.

"Well we sort of started just kind of sleeping together casually towards the end of term, then we saw each other a lot over summer and realised we kind of liked each other too much to just be friends with benefits." explained Joe.

"Fair enough. Actually thinking about it, you two are really quite compatible. And you flirted a lot back in fourth and fifth actually, I'd forgotten." mused James.

"But yeah we haven't really gone super public with that yet, thinking we might wait until the first Hogsmeade trip to make our debut." said Joe.

"Wow that's so fucking dramatic!" commented Frank with a laugh, causing Joe to (admittedly dramatically) throw a pillow at him.

"Hey, will you and your girlfriend be debuting then too?" asked Tim.

"My girlfriend?" Frank asked, seeming oddly puzzled, and then seeming to remember something and trying to hastily cover up whatever his mistake might have been, "Oh yeah, her. No, she doesn't go to Hogwarts. Yeah, that's right, she's a Muggle, so um, yeah, no Hogsmeade. She's pretty and cool though."

"Sounds really real as well." commented Joe, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

"Fuck you, she's very real!" Frank protested, slightly grumpily but playfully throwing the pillow back in Joe's direction.

"Really sounds it." Tim said, "How about you, James? You taking a date to Hogsmeade?"

"Haven't asked anyone," James replied. He hadn't even really thought about it at all to be honest, though if he were to take anyone at all it would be Mel. He wondered about asking her and decided that he would on their next patrol together.

A few alcoholic Butterbeers later, and all were asleep but James, who was lying in bed thinking about asking Mel out to Hogsmeade with him on the trip next month. Maybe she'd say yes. Hopefully she'd say yes. It would be amazing to spend a whole day with her. He had to ask. No harm in asking. He would ask.

He just didn't know how well he'd take rejection. And she might reject him. He didn't know for sure that she liked him anywhere near as much as he liked her. And he wasn't entirely sure how he felt about risking rejection. Because she was so special and kind and cool and fun and amazing. And he'd never fancied anyone this much before. And maybe because of that he should take the risk and ask her out.

But at the same time, if she said no it might ruin things. And he didn't want that at all. He just wanted to hang out with her a lot more than he did and he just wanted to be able to sometimes maybe hold her when she wanted to be held and sometimes maybe have her hold him too. And he wanted to kiss her more because her kisses were special and he couldn't get enough. And he wanted to know her. He wanted her to feel comfortable enough to really open up about her life and he wanted to be there for her when she needed a person. And he wanted to be able to tell her everything he was thinking and feeling without it ruining things between them at all.


End file.
